Full of it.

I just ate dinner and it's 11:00 at night. It's the only time I had to eat so I did. My belly will burst if I even attempt to lay on my bed and/or I will start feeling that horrible acid eroding my esophagus (darn you acid reflux and WebMD) so instead I'm writing.

Tonight was bible study night which means I'm full of the Word and epiphanies...there are just many truths running through my head right now. Truths that I don't want to forget and I want to be able to reflect on when life is much more difficult and challenging than it is right now.

Both of the above types of "full" are good. But what about when you're full of...pride? Selfishness? Anger? Bitterness? Lord knows I've felt all of these, probably once or twice just today. ;)
Our emotions come from God and that's not something we need to detach ourselves from. Instead, think about how full you are of that emotion.

Does it make you feel heavy? Does it creep up like stomach acid in your throat? Is it like garlic where the taste just doesn't go away?

Solutions? Chew a piece of gum. Cleanse your heart of that emotion. Forgive the person who wronged you. Forgive yourself. Turn to the Word and He will cleanse your palate.

Wash it out. Confess your sin/your emotions to someone else who can hold you accountable and give you advice if necessary.

Don't eat it again. If you know that something you eat gives you heartburn, you avoid it. The same goes for the sin/person/thing that causes your heart to burn in the wrong way.

Well, this was cheesy enough. I'll leave this stuff to Beth Moore.

It's simple: hard work pays off.

Though I'm new to the "real" working world, I've already learned and reaped the rewards of a couple important lessons.
1. Actions speak louder than words.
2. Do the right things the right way and people notice.

Now, I'm sure things don't always work out this way. I'm sure that I will not always get the appreciation deserved for every little thing done. But right now, I'm going to immerse myself in this overly justified feeling!

To the newly employed and those aspiring: You want to move up? You want more responsibility? Show your boss that you can do the little things first. Show them that you believe in teamwork but you're also capable on your own. Be honest but don't complain. And be flexible! Take things as they come. Be a problem solver! Don't just solve your own problems but take a bit of your time to help your co-workers out, too. They'll love you for it.
I'm talking to you, my fellow Generation Y-ers. Put your google skills to the test. We have been bred for finding the answers to questions no one else can find.

Most of all, BE GENUINE. Don't look for a gold sticker. Be humble and just do the work you know you're good at. The commendation (promotion or raise) will come soon enough.

Sideblog: My passion is writing. I could write all the day long. God knows this and eventhough I've been worried that I would not be able to live out this dream in my career, it looks like things may work out after all. This reminds me of what I heard in a recent Matt Chandler sermon: Imagine yourself turning on the television to watch an hour long show. Now, imagine only watching a minute of it and then God watching the rest. Now, imagine arguing with God about what happened in the show.


Yeah. WOMP. WOMP.
We know who's going to win this one. And I just got the reminder I needed.

So my birthday isn't for another 121 days and 11 hours BUT I'm accepting gifts now.
Specifically, this one.

Yep, that's a candle that smells like The New York Times. Just 65 big ones, peeps.
Evidently, “the scent of the candle is newsy, with hints of guaiacwood, cedar, musk, and spice. Characterized by ‘a powdery note and velvet nuance,’ the scent is meant to mimic the aroma of black ink on newsprint.”

Thank you PRDaily for this one.

Really, can we put a price on this friendship? Take my word, I'm worth it.

Married...with Children

Have you ever seen this show? This is one area where I can learn from my parents' "mistakes." My brother and I always had our own TV, our own TV room and taught ourselves how to change the channel all by our little toddler selves. Even with basic cable, I was still able to do some damage.
My after-school schedule went like this:
Barney
Baywatch
The Simpsons
Married...with Children
Nash Bridges

And I can hum all of the theme songs for you, too.
Yes, a corrupted kid I was. Lesson: Do not give your child their own television! Especially in their own room. Tsk, tsk.  But I digress.

I'm actually talking about my parents. Today is the 26th anniversary of my parents' marriage. YAY! I've seen their marriage evolve and mature over the years and I'd say their relationship is the best its ever been. I've learned a lot just by watching them.

With college ending, I have more friends getting married and somehow, I'm attracting more and more married friends (am I there already!?). Listening to their stories and experiences, I gotta admit...I'm freakin' scared.

It seems very hard. So why do people do it? (Yes, I do still do things eventhough they might be difficult...theme of my life.) I'd do it for the companionship, the happiness...there is happiness involved right? BLAH. I need to read a book on this...

Growth.

Every spring, I accompany my dad to Lowe's and lend my eyes to find the most aesthetically pleasing group of perennials acceptable for plantation in our front yard. On the outside, I act like (a child) I really loathe going on this trip EVERY SINGLE year, but I'd be quite offended if I wasn't invited.

And every year I dig out the dead flowers, pull out the weeds, "till" the best way I know how, try to ignore the worms coming up from the ground, and plant the new flowers. Then, I overload with Miracle-Gro because my society has taught me that I should not wait for anything! (ha. ha.)

It's been three months, and now I'm up early on a Sunday morning with my curtains drawn and sunlight pouring into my room. Luckily, I have the best view of our front yard.

In the stillness,
before the television turns on,
before my dad starts making his tea,
before our dog Lucy realizes that she's hungry again,
before cars starts racing past our street,
before I have to open my door and let people know that I'm awake,
I am enjoying the scene that is before me. My flowers are in bloom and continue to grow (thank you Miracle-Gro). And so do I (thank you God).

Find the time to enjoy the quiet and reflect upon your own growth.
And he said,"Peace! Be still!" 

Pages.

As I sit on my bed and look around I can see books sitting everywhere; one on my dresser, 3 on my night stand, and another one right next to me. All these books have been opened, read, pages are marked with an occasional pencil scribble in the margin. These books really want to be finished, I'm sure. They want to be read cover to cover and then put in my bookcase where the rest of their friends are. I hope to get to all of them...eventually. 

My mind is so open to learning whatever the literature has to teach me. Whether it's a news article, non-fiction, or the latest Sophie Kinsella, a piece of the book is engraved in my brain.  

But the novel that is my life... oh, it does not compare to any Jennifer Weiner or even Jhumpa Lahiri. I am absolutely dependent on God's grace and provision. I must ask Him for bread daily and in result, I am the most blessed and broken I have ever been. 

This is one lesson from my book I don't want to forget. In fact, I don't mind if God leaves my book open on this page for a while. 

Internal optimism.

I think an overwhelming majority would agree with me when I say that I am hopelessly optimistic (a romantic, too, but that is for another blog, another day). When people are open enough to share their struggles, complaints and insecurities, I subconsciously turn their situation upside down and try to share a positive perspective on the whole thing.

Now, my question is, is this comforting or annoying?

I'm guessing that the rays of sunshine that burst forth from my platinum smile and overly perky voice puts a damper on whatever raincloud they have over their heads. Because sometimes we want to be upset and whiny. I TOTALLY GET THAT. My friends can tell you that I gots to rant when I gots to rant.

If my positive and useless remarks rained on your rainy parade, I'm sorry. I'm going to try the more understanding, "dude, that sucks" attitude and see how that works.

I'll try to hide my sunshine, but no promises peeps.

(After rereading, I realize that this post sounds a bit sarcastic...oh well.)

My brother.

My brother cooks.
My brother bakes.
My brother thinks he's got looks.

He sings alright.
He reads a lot.
He'll beat me up for this poem,
Oh yes, he might.

His room is always clean.
His bed is always made.
I watch TV with him if he's not being mean.

My brother's younger than me.
Sometimes I can't tell either.
He's rubbed off in many ways,
Because of him, I'm a techie.

He makes fun of our mom.
He loves our dog.
He often compares her to a baby, which is SO wrong.

My brother, he puts up with lots.
My brother, he's so weird.
My brother, I love him.
NOT.

To pursue or not to pursue.

Ohhh, how this question beats my brain into soggy cereal mush to the point where I cannot think about anything else. (That's the point where I blog about it.)

I must be vague about this certain thing I want to pursue but shouldn't. I'm trying to sit here and not pursue but of course, that just means that I want pursue even MORE.

PLEASE, I'll give anything to be able to pursue!
Yet I must wait. Do y'all get me!?
So here I am, frustrated and impatient, wanting exactly what I can't have.

I've heard good things come to those who wait. I searched for the word "wait" in the Bible (ESV) and found it 132 times! FYI: Love shows up 632 times and faith 474 times-- in case you needed a scale.

As I glance through the mentions, I remember Ruth's story as Naomi told her to wait for Boaz, knowing that he would settle their family matters and marry her. There was Hannah who prayed for a son, promising to dedicated him to the Lord and was assured by Elkanah to wait, she would know the right time to send Samuel away. Then, there's Job.

Oh, Job. He waited and waited and waited and things definitely got worse for him before it got better.

If these people waited and received what they needed from the Lord, then surely we can as well.

Lead me in your truth and teach me,for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the (darn) day long.
-Psalm 25:5

Repost: First night of summer

My friend Caroline, posted this yesterday and it's just too good, so I wanted to share:
Read below or here.

First Night of Summer

It’s summer.

Finally.

I jumped into a May-mester two days after graduation so tonight is my first Waco summer night. I’m sitting outside common grounds and an inkling of boredom is almost creeping up, but then the feeling gets me so excited about the possibilities that summer will bring. Such a freeing feeling.

Therapeutic.

We haven’t set up internet at our house, which has been one of the best things to happen. It’s amazing how productive you are when your browser isn’t taunting you with cool blogs and other pointless diversions. Having no internet has pulled me out of the house and thus I’ve spent hours here in front of Common Grounds. During the summer it’s so quiet and calm and tonight there’s the perfect breeze (um, here in Texas a breeze is a gift from God).

However, without internet I have tons of built up ah-HA moments that are welling up inside. My Maymester class covered the gospels of Luke & John, and the class came at such a pivotal transition in my world.


To be gut honest, the 3 weeks of the class were some of the hardest weeks I’ve had in a while. Within days most of my closest friends left Waco for… forever amidst a massive move and renovation of a “boy house” and all while still trying to do well at work. Plus, Clayton was gone (that was a kicker *wink*).


The class- like none other- kept me glued to the Word. Several hours a night I spent wrestling with parables with some of the most pointed and devotional homework questions. I treasure the notes I have written down. Our professor guided the class through discovering the text for ourselves with an aim to see it applied to the church. Somehow my other classes haven’t quite made that leap– the leap that calls for action.

Repeatedly through the class I was reminded that it’s not Baylor that makes me me. It’s not friends. It’s not Clayton. It’s not even learning. I exist to know & worship my Creator. I quickly learned that the hours of homework can be daunting, OR it can be a priceless time of an entire morning dedicated to the Book I claim to live by and desire to understand.


Over the next few weeks I’m going to dive into the notes I have in my notebook next to the massive stars that signal my ah-HA moments. First on the dock is Zechariah in Luke 1. That’s me. I see myself in the story for the first time.

Happy Summer friends. Dwell on your ah-HA moments. There are layers of lessons.

Things I don't want to forget: Missouri Roadtrip 2011

Singing Zac Brown Band's Chicken Fried as we crossed into OK

The peach stands every 10 miles...and never getting Josh to stop at them.

Playing the alphabet game in the middle of nowhere.

Cow poker?

The Oklahoma city names that you wonder if Okies can even pronounce.

Being the wrong kind of Indian in Indian nation. 

Going to McDonalds and exposing all the customers there to diversity. 

59 cent drinks at QT. 

Seeing hills for the first time in a VERY long time. 

Caroline's Christian goalpost instead of the bird. 

Big Indian/Tall chief (picture coming soon) 

Giggling under glow in the dark stars while the boys blockaded us in.

Trampoline.

Causing fires at our table at the wedding.

Missouri roadtrip 2011=BEST

 

My Mother

I did something mean today. My friend asked me what my mom's personality was like and I said she didn't have one. 

SO. RUDE. 

It was more for comedic relief, but still. I've now told myself that dedicating a post to her would somehow cancel out the act. Bear with me. 

My mother is...

funny. Blonde funny. 

hard-working. She's worked harder than I ever have/ever will. 

devoted to the Lord. My grandfather put some excellent values in her. 

blindly faithful. 

patient. In fact, it's been almost 23 years and she hasn't wrung my neck once. 

girly. Pink is her favorite color, roses are her favorite flower, she has A LOT of shoes and is never seen without wearing jewelry.

quiet. She's reserved. Most describe her as innocent, I think she can be pretty sneaky though. 

strong, but not dismissive. You know her love by her ways, her actions. Not by her tears or tantrums. 

Basically, she puts up with a lot with the most grace.

She's not perfect but she's a great example of a loving mother.  

 

Clutch

Like a good hometown fan would do, I watched the Mavericks/Heat game last night AND like a dedicated fan would do, I did not turn off my TV when the Heat had an 15 point lead with 6 minutes left in the 4th.
(I lower my head in shame and shake my finger at YOU, fairweather fan. Tsk tsk.)

The last 6 minutes could only be described as clutch. The Mavs understood that if they didn't deliver then, they could kiss that Larry O'Brien trophy good-bye.

My reasonable guess: Kidd and Nowitzki probably saw what all that they had worked for this season slipping through their fingers (like the ball, for much of the game) and reacted.

What Tyson Chandler said: After Wade made his 3-point shot right in front of the Mavericks bench, the team had to show them that the game wasn't over.

Way to go, team.

I'll be honest, I thought the game was over after Wade's shot. I was ready to go to bed but I hoped that my team could turn it around.

This week I've been pondering a similar story that ended sadly.
In 1 Samuel 13, War with the Philistines is about to break out and Saul is told to wait for seven days, for Samuel to come and make a sacrifice on the Israelites' behalf. On the seventh day, Saul gets impatient, sees his people scattering from him and decides to take matters in his own hands. Samuel, who shows up at the last minute but on time, catches Saul in the act. The unlawful sacrifice costs Saul the throne.

Samuel was clutch, but Saul was ready to get it over with. How often are we too impatient to wait for God's immpeccable timing and plan?