A Day's Worth of Grace

I've been listening to Kathy Keller (The "Other" Keller) talk about singleness and relationships. She ended with the excerpt from Betsy Childs' post, Marriage and Celibacy. I think it will be encouraging to both married and single friends.

While marriage and celibacy may technically be opposites, they have at least one thing in common. Both can seem overwhelming when one imagines them lasting for a lifetime.

Even if you deeply love your spouse, the thought of putting up with his or her foibles or coldness or chaos every day for the rest of your life may be enough to make your hyperventilate. Likewise, those who have chosen to lead a celibate life may be happy in their friendships, their church, and their work, but when they peer into the future, the frightening prospect of growing old alone overshadows the mercies provided in the present.

If the thought of enduring your marriage or lack of marriage for the rest of your life is daunting, it is because God doesn’t hand out grace in a lifetime supply. He provides it one day at a time. If you feel like God has not given you the capacity to love your spouse for a lifetime, that’s because he hasn’t. But he has given you exactly what you need to be loving today. Furthermore, God has not given celibates the grace to bear a lifetime of solitude. But he will give you what you need to make it through this day.

God will give us what we need, but he will not give it to us until we need it. He didn’t give the Israelites enough food to last through forty years in the wilderness; he gave them manna one day at a time. None of us has a lifelong stockpile of grace, but we can look forward to God’s faithfulness over a lifetime, offered to us one day at a time. 

My mama

This is not another obligatory post about my mom. Mother's Day is around the corner but my mom has been on my mind for other reasons.

This year, she made the decision to go back to school for her Bachelor's in Nursing. Like your mom (or most Indian women you may know), she completed her associate's degree and started working as a registered nurse. But standards in healthcare are changing and moms like mine are having to go back to school (after almost 30 years) to get their bachelor's degree if they want to continue working as a nurse.

I should add that I have nothing against this new standard but for my mom, it's hard. I think about the papers she'll have to write, tests she'll have to study for, assignments she'll have to do every week... It's stressful enough without the added complexity of learning how to write paper, what APA format is, and computer skills all at the same time.

But my mom is doing it. She's TACKLING it. In fact, I'm the one hiding under the covers, paralyzed by the hurdles in front of her and my mom is poised for battle. Bring it on, teach.

I didn't think my mom could make me any more proud. After 25 years, I thought I'd seen her do it all but she continues to amaze me. She gives me courage to not back down or allow an inconvenience keep me from achieving great things.

I'm so blessed to not have to look at the world for a role model. Mine is sitting across the kitchen table.

God Is Just Not Fair

I am so mad at God.
I've said it before. Maybe you have, too.

"I'm mad that I'm still single/sick/unemployed/fat/in a horrible marriage."

Just insert your current problem or need right there.

For a long time, I thought I had every right to be mad at God. We think we're entitled to that anger. Because God is supposed to give me what I want... isn't he?

You feel a lesson coming on? So did I when I approached this chapter in Jennifer Rothschild's new book, God Is Just Not Fair: Finding Hope When Life Doesn't Make Sense. 

Jennifer picks apart the common thoughts and questions we often have after life disappoints us and the God that is supposed to be close to our hearts feels so distant.

When things don't go our way, we assert this right to be upset with God, but Jennifer turns to scripture to unmask what the anger really is.

"Sometimes when we indulge what we call our right to be angry at God, what we're really doing is casting a thin veil over envy instead. Deep down, we are jealous that God is seemingly generous to someone else but not us."

That sounds harsh but sometimes, the truth is. 

The thing is, if we believe that our God is supreme, ruling over this universe and everything in it, he has the right to do or allow whatever he pleases. I may not understand the why, but I trust Him and praise Him because…

"We don't base our gratitude or praise exclusively on what we receive or do not receive from God. God  deserves our praise and gratitude because of who God is."

Let that sink in for a second. You may even want to re-read it. This is so contrary to our human and selfish ways but God deserves your thankfulness in all circumstances.

Jennifer's book unpacks these thoughts in a way that will make sense not only to your brain but to your heart. I cannot stress how important this book can be to your personal spiritual journey. It's brought me peace where my heart has been restless and without answers. I hope it can do the same for you.

If you've never heard of Jennifer… 
Jennifer and her family are good friends of mine. Jennifer went blind as a teenager when a disease took her sight. It blows me away that she never let her sight take her life. Jennifer is an accomplished woman! She's a wife, mother, author and talented singer, not to mention, one of the most genuine people you'll ever meet. As you can imagine, Jennifer's faith has been tested by her blindness (she talks about it in her book) which is why I'm so glad she's sharing her own experiences, struggles and revelations. Want to know more about her? Click here.

Disclosure: I received God Is Not Fair for free but the views and opinions I express here are my own.

Keep Dreaming

25 is right around the corner. I love birthdays and like you, I get excited for my own. Since it is 25, I'm wondering if this is the last birthday that I can get excited for.

Really. What is after 25? I'm crossing society's final threshold. I'm now allowed to rent a car and my insurance rate will finally drop to something reasonable (I hope).

24 is young but I've still learned quite a few things. So I'm going to share them once a week until October 27 is finally here.

So Lesson #1. Keep Dreaming.

I've always been an idealist. The kind of person that eat rainbows and poops butterflies (quoting Dr. Suess here). It can drive my family, friends, and me a bit nuts but I will always dream big dreams.

My dreams are what made me write the President when he was a Senator and tell him that I hope he runs for office. I received a letter back from him not too long after--a treasure whether you lean left or right.

My dreams are what made me apply for a summer internship in Washington, D.C. when I was in college. I met lifetime friends and learned so much about life on the Hill and off.

Dreams don't always come true and I'm thankful for that-- I wouldn't change the sequence of my life for anything. The blessings are too big to compare to the blips of disappointment and heartache.

But I've also seen that the happiest and most grounded people are the ones who continue to put goals in front of them.

When you're out of college, it's up to you to create dreams for yourself. It's a crossroad for most people--am I done or do I keep going? 

KEEP GOING. I wanted to quit when I graduated college with a pile of debt and no job. I was convinced that there was no way that I was going to become a writer. Three years later I'm writing and still dreaming. 

Successful people have goals for themselves. It's not elementary to keep a journal or write out a 3, 5 or 10 year plan. Instead it shows that you're not willing to settle for the present--you expect more from yourself and your life then just the current predicament.

So go, dream away!

The tiara that changes everything.

I'd be freaking out, too! Courtesy of Miss America

I learned that an Indian girl won Miss America via Snapchat (sign of the times). Since then, I've spent the last 30 minutes making sure this was ACTUALLY TRUE.

Let me tell you why this is huge.

The woman is BROWN. You're thinking, "Uh yeah Nincy, we know."

You also probably know that Indians by and large are not interested in staying their skin color. Being dark or brown is an insult. We want to be lighter, we want to be white, we want to be fair. It's an unfair standard that's been part of our culture for centuries and it tears our society apart (especially when 96% of us are not fair).

Dark is Beautiful is one of the many campaigns trying to change this impossible double standard but it's not easy to change something that we've been bred to believe.

Well, Nina Davuluri** has shook the ground.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family where color didn't matter. Beauty fades but no one can take your brain which is why my parents only praised my intelligence--not my cute outfit for the day. My parents also didn't keep me from playing outside in fear that the sun would make their daughter unmarriageable. But that didn't keep me from doubting. It didn't keep me from looking in the mirror and wishing I could wash "the brown" off.

The now-Miss America when she was competing for Miss New York.

I was bullied for being dark/ugly when I was 12. It was in India, ironically, and it was the first time I even considered my skin color as inferior. That's where my obsession with fairness began. I would layer on the Fair and Lovely before walking to school in the sweltering heat in hopes of being pretty. Even after moving back home to Texas,  I would steal the turmeric from the kitchen and bathe in it night after night. (Yes Mom, that's where all the munyull went.)

Though the thought of being inferior (and fear of getting darker) is always there, I don't let it stunt my life (Yeah, I sunbathed during my vacation in FL). But I'm hopeful that, with this kind of win for the Brown, my future daughter will never have to think twice about it.

Because Dark is Beautiful. Thank you Nina and Miss America for making that real tonight. I pray that India and Indians all take notice.

Nina is more than just a pretty lady. This young woman is on her way to being a doctor. She's a talented dancer who was battled bullimia and weight before making it to Miss America. She is a remarkable person and this is a definite win for every little girl who's ever noticed that she's different.

You go, girl.

**Disclaimer: I don't know Nina Davuluri. In my brief time researching, I'm aware that she's probably not a perfect person but that doesn't make this win any less encouraging for the millions of women out there who have been told that they are not beautiful or worthy because of the color of their skin. Any negative or harsh comments that don't encourage conversation will be deleted. 



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