My Anchor, My Lord

from treehousetheaternyc.com

I'm a water baby, I'm sure of it. I'm only learning how to swim now at age 26 but I never allowed my fear or inability to stay above water keep me from getting wet. However, I realize that unless I want to increase my odds of dying, I should learn. I started taking classes about a month ago and I'm so proud of my progress! My teacher called it a miracle and I'd agree with her, especially since I was terrified to get my face wet that first class and today I floated on my own!

Every class is a crossroad of faith. How much deeper am I going to go? Am I going to trust myself? My instructor? The water? The feeling I had floating today symbolized the trust I have to take off of myself and put on the Lord.

I think about Peter, who Jesus called out onto the water. At first, he begins walking and then forgets-- his faith transfers from Jesus to himself which cannot keep him up. He begins to sink. I know that feeling, both emotionally and now physically. Below are thoughts that were swimming in my head about this feeling and the truth of Christ. Recently I've been convicted of our generation's over-leniency on prayer. Don't get me wrong, prayer is an intimate and wonderful thing, but we can use it as a crutch to keep ourselves from acting out in faith. What would happen if we just DID a little more? I'm trying to live that out in my own life, no more crippling myself or God by waiting for some sign when the fact that God not closing the door is sign enough! I hope you'll have faith to dive in head first with me, friend.

I need my feet to touch the floor
But you say no.
Head first, arms straight,
Dive in, I've got you.
But God.
I close my eyes and forget.
My legs sink like a needle point.
I lose my footing.
The water rises,
He catches me.

My child, trust me.
But God, I say.
I need to be grounded.
I need to know what's below me.
I'm below you, He says.
I'm all around you.
I'm your anchor.

I won't let go, I can't let go.
Fear not, for I created all of this.
So dive in, head first.

Faith in your feet, you'll sink.
Faith in me, you'll soar.
In the midst of waves crashing,
Waters rising,
Truth remains.
I'm your anchor.
Stay tied to me and you cannot drown.

God Is Just Not Fair

I am so mad at God.
I've said it before. Maybe you have, too.

"I'm mad that I'm still single/sick/unemployed/fat/in a horrible marriage."

Just insert your current problem or need right there.

For a long time, I thought I had every right to be mad at God. We think we're entitled to that anger. Because God is supposed to give me what I want... isn't he?

You feel a lesson coming on? So did I when I approached this chapter in Jennifer Rothschild's new book, God Is Just Not Fair: Finding Hope When Life Doesn't Make Sense. 

Jennifer picks apart the common thoughts and questions we often have after life disappoints us and the God that is supposed to be close to our hearts feels so distant.

When things don't go our way, we assert this right to be upset with God, but Jennifer turns to scripture to unmask what the anger really is.

"Sometimes when we indulge what we call our right to be angry at God, what we're really doing is casting a thin veil over envy instead. Deep down, we are jealous that God is seemingly generous to someone else but not us."

That sounds harsh but sometimes, the truth is. 

The thing is, if we believe that our God is supreme, ruling over this universe and everything in it, he has the right to do or allow whatever he pleases. I may not understand the why, but I trust Him and praise Him because…

"We don't base our gratitude or praise exclusively on what we receive or do not receive from God. God  deserves our praise and gratitude because of who God is."

Let that sink in for a second. You may even want to re-read it. This is so contrary to our human and selfish ways but God deserves your thankfulness in all circumstances.

Jennifer's book unpacks these thoughts in a way that will make sense not only to your brain but to your heart. I cannot stress how important this book can be to your personal spiritual journey. It's brought me peace where my heart has been restless and without answers. I hope it can do the same for you.

If you've never heard of Jennifer… 
Jennifer and her family are good friends of mine. Jennifer went blind as a teenager when a disease took her sight. It blows me away that she never let her sight take her life. Jennifer is an accomplished woman! She's a wife, mother, author and talented singer, not to mention, one of the most genuine people you'll ever meet. As you can imagine, Jennifer's faith has been tested by her blindness (she talks about it in her book) which is why I'm so glad she's sharing her own experiences, struggles and revelations. Want to know more about her? Click here.

Disclosure: I received God Is Not Fair for free but the views and opinions I express here are my own.

A 3-for-2 deal.

I'm reading Psalms tonight and God's steadfast love and faithfulness is slapping me in the face--I can't ignore it.

I started with Psalm 25.

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. (verse 10)

Then Psalm 26.

For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness. (verse 3)

And as I flipped to Psalm 40...

I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation. (verse 10) 

I have two framed posters in my bathroom that say "FAITH" and "LOVE." 
I've been meaning to buy the third piece to the puzzle, hope, for sometime now but I don't think I need it anymore.

His love and His faithfulness gives me hope.

This is simple and probably old news to you. 

But if you're unsure of your way, remember to keep the ways of the Lord. 
Remember to keep your eyes on the one who clothes  you in faithfulness and guides you in love.
Remember that His love and faith is not meant to be encased in your heart but shared with the ones you care about. (That means you, VBS teachers.)

Conversations with my dad.

I bought an iPhone yesterday. My paranoid self couldn't decide if I was excited or scared. It's a big purchase and I was worried if I could afford it.

I shared my phone and concern with my dad and he asked...


"Why are you scared, child? You know what's scary? Making $3.25 an hour, having two children under 2 and finding out your mom needed surgery. But I had faith. God would take care of us if it was His will. He'll take care of you, too." 

His story belittled my problem in a good way. I wondered if the "He" my dad was talking about was God or himself. I think both.

A word from the wise-faith.

To the graduating class of 2012

Inspired by my DPO Alphies, Beti and Gamma.
I thought it was necessary to let you guys in on a few secrets.

1. Use your age to your advantage. We've grown up on cell phones and the internet. Facebook, websites and hyperlinks are second nature to us. Believe it or not, the rest of the world is not plugged in the same way. Your tech-savvyness will come in handy everyday. You'll be able to solve problems for yourself and your team (maybe even your boss) before they ever have to call IT. Not only will you be considered a whiz and not as useless as they thought, but you'll gain the trust of your colleagues pretty fast.
2. Your major doesn't define you. Having a real job helps you visualize what you want your life to look like. When I was studying PR, I was under the assumption I'd be in meetings all the time. However, I'm usually in front of the computer. It's not horrible, but no one ever told me. Working for a bigger company also gives me a chance to observe other departments. I know what sales does and seeing it on a daily basis just affirms that I could never be a salesperson. Same for IT. But I wouldn't mind marketing and I'm thinking about going that route. Don't think because you're PR you have to work in a firm. Work for a non-profit. Transfer to a different department. Just do what makes you happy. 
3. Your job doesn't define you either. For the first few months of working,all I did was work. I thought it was the great life: work fro 8 hours, come home and veg. That routine got boring fast. Personally, I crave to make a difference every day. Staring at a screen doesn't feel very purposeful. In fact, I was drained. Until, I started giving back and spending some of my off-hours with people, helping them and serving them, I was not happy. Slowly, my energy was coming back. Try to find a non-profit to work with, no matter how small. 
4. It's going to be hard to adjust. If you're anything like me, you invested most in your college friends and your hometown friendships just drifted away. That's ok! Be open to meeting new people. You're going to have to put yourself out there...maybe even invite yourself to things. Some of you may be moving home. Yes, it can be demoralizing. But have the conversation with your parents about boundaries. You're not 18 anymore and you haven't lived at home for four years. If that doesn't work, show them you're independent. Pick up a bill or two (if you have a job). Help around the house. Eventually, they'll get it. If not, go back to plan A.
5. It's not that bad. Unfortunately, college doesn't totally prepare you for the real world. It's going to take some time to get used to, but continue to invest in your friendships from college but don't be afraid to make new ones. Grown-up world gets even sweeter when you bring in that first paycheck...and then the second. And then you'll love it when everyone is updating their status about finals and term papers and you're at happy hour. 
6. Last one: have faith. I wouldn't be this positive about my life if I didn't have faith that my God is in control of everything and He has nothing else in mind for me but good. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know my God is good. 

Romans 8:28

For Big Mistakes

I was at the doctor Friday morning and the nurse had an eraser like the one above on her desk.

At this moment, I wish I had one. But instead for pencil, I need one for life.

I'm having one of those multiple hand-to-head moments that concludes with yelling silently, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?"

It's just one those days where I'm constantly churning the details about what I did, how I did it, and WHY.

WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?! (insert whining and slow death) 

I hope I'm not alone. That you've had similar situations in life where you could tell yourself to stop talking. That you could do something over again and you promise to yourself that you'd do it differently.

So how do you deal with that? The internal battle of "if I could just go back."

I'm thinking out loud but I'm guessing there's acceptance involved. And hope that if it's meant to be, you'll have another chance. And if it's meant to be, the mistakes will be accepted and nervousness, excitement, maybe even thought of as "cute"? Possibly farfetched but I'm optimistic.

I'm praying that the feeling will subside and I'll look at the past situation for what it is and do all that I can do. Give it up to the Man above. 

Any advice? Pity? Words of consolation?





Note to readers: I hope you laughed at least once. 

The opposite of faith is not doubt.

Perhaps the opposite of faith is not doubt. Perhaps it is fear. To lack faith perhaps isn't as much of an intellectual disbelief in the existence of God as fear and distrust that there is a good God. If I don't emotionally believe, practically believe, in the goodness of God, am I a believer? Don't the believers have to believe? Don't the saved have to trust the Savior? For yes, salvation from sins, but this too: the salvation from fear.

From One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp 

I've accepted this perspective. It echoes what James about faith without works. I used to interpret the passage as my faith was dead if it wasn't accompanied by works.
Now I understand, what is faith if it isn't in my works? The things I do and say everyday.

How do people know you are saved?

The Office: When it isn't enough

Nine months of working in the real world and I've only written one post about it. Doesn't seem right.

Especially since I spend 8+ hours each day either at work, getting to it or leaving it. It's been interesting, to say the least. I appreciate the fact that no day is the same, a paper no longer means a 10-page report, and I have co-workers that I can more than exist with.

But I didn't realize how much of a priority I placed on what I did for a living until...well, I started doing something for a living. When I spend the majority of my day somewhere, I want to know that I've made a difference. Unfortunately, my job cannot fulfill this need for me. Perhaps, yours can't either.
So what do you do? There's the option of quitting your job and finding another one which is out of the question when you have student loans to pay off and a non-profit job just isn't feasible financially.

Here's the option I've discovered: find something else. Though you're spending 8 hours a day at work, you still have your evenings and your weekends. It may be tempting to spend those precious free hours glued to the television because you're too tired to do anything else but trust me, you'll have more energy to do your job well if you invest in other people outside of work.

God has impeccable timing, I know this because after working for a couple of months, he called a group of us to lead young women to Him through bible study and fellowship. When work is going awry and days get longer and longer, I can think on this and find joy and know that His purpose is greater than I can see.

I know none of our efforts, either at work or outside it go unnoticed. Our God sees all good and rewards all good. But if you need this void filled and filling it through work is not a current choice, giving your talents and time to others can meet that need.

Fighter

This is Ricky. He's a 6 month old min pin/chihuahua mix. A loveable and sweet, big-eared, the-size-of-your-lap kind of creature.

At the vet this morning, Ricky was growling at a dog that looked more or less like this-

Yep, that's a husky. And I'm pretty sure the one I saw this morning was bigger. The brother and I were amused that our 5 pound puppy thought he could take on this huge canine but even more so, I was impressed that Ricky was even bold enough to dare!

Bold enough to even make himself aware to the dog, that he was ready to defend whatever he was defending.

Ricky set a great example for the intimidated and fearful of sin. Who cares if I'm a tiny human of normal strength and potential? I have a God that will set me on his shoulders and fight.

Often times, we think God's choice to fight for us means we can back down. That we need to stand behind to let God take front and center. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's the other way around. Because God is standing with us, ready to win the battle, we must stand tall. We have no reason to quiver in our boots. His power shows THROUGH us, not in spite of us.

Take God's presence that you can trust and plow through the sin that tempts, sneers and shows it teeth. Take a lesson from my pup; don't back down today!

 Do not fear or panic or be in dread of them, for the LORD your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory. (Deuteronomy 20:3-4)

In Joyful Expectancy

First off, I'm thankful to have friends that keep me honest, accountable to them and God and convict me of simple yet Godly truths. I'm thankful to have people to struggle and seek answers with! Like this one...

When was the last time I truly trusted the Lord with something? Something big, I mean. Something that I had no control over and no idea how it would turn out. I can tell you what I'm not fully entrusting in my God's hands--my future. I say I am in my prayers but as we know actions speak louder than words and for God--I'm sure they are coming in loud and clear. I can't trust you!

Now why am I scared of trusting God? As far as I can recall, He's been more than good to me, providing for me abundantly, giving me shelter from the rain and showering grace and mercy like it grew on trees.

Unlike other short term problems that had a vague shadow about them so I could somewhat make them out, this future issue just looks like a deep, dark hole.

 Really, I don't know understand how each mid-20 year old is not in therapy right now.

But I want to turn my cringing thoughts about the things unseen into joyful ones. I want to be able to genuinely say that I anticipate the work of the Lord in my life! This takes work but with much discipline and accountability, this will be a reality. Not because I'm saying it will but because God has made it very clear that this is His will. For all of us!

My life is on the ups right now but that only means that a storm is up ahead. I'm ready to see what he has for me as I have no greater want than to see his purpose to completion.

I wait in joyful expectation.

"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

Under His Wings AKA: All for some cake balls.

I was in my first car accident on Thursday. It was pretty bad-- the airbags deployed and my car door barely opened. I was shocked and shaking. I feel bad for the policemen who had to make out words through my tears. I definitely do not wish this experience on anyone. You know those moments that people call milestones...this isn't one of them. No sir. What's even worse is the accident wasn't worth the trip! I was out to go pick up cake balls. CAKE BALLS.

I will never look at that dessert the same again.

Physically, I managed to get away with just a couple of nicks and a fat lip (the airbag suckerpunched me).
But emotionally, I was (am) a wreck. I immediately jumped into guilty mode, little things have overwhelmed me and it's taken some time to get out of it. Until yesterday, I was completely down on myself, longing to hide from everything in some dark hole. Until yesterday, I realized that I didn't need a hole. I have His wings.

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge;in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. (Psalm 57:1)

Hope you can find shelter in His wings, whether its because of cake balls or something else.