An ode to everything white

On Friday I had my semi-annual check-up with the doc who had to test me for everything under the sun. I hesitated, "Are you sure I need to be tested for all that? I'm perfectly healthy." 

"Well you never know, and it'd be good to know where you stand," she replied. 

Fine. Blood was streamed out of my vein and into 4 plastic tubes. After taping me up with neon green tape, so nice and tight, the nurse sent me home. 

Little did I know she would call back today and tell me I have high cholesterol! She said it so nonchalantly, too. 

That was when I told my boss I was going to dying an early death and thought about the life insurance policies I took out. 

OK, I'm being dramatic. 

But that was REALLY when I looked up (WebMD is awesome) what could be causing this problem. And that's when I saw it. 

My most beloved foods are killing me! 

MILK. 

WHITE BREAD.

PASTA. 

SUGAR. 

MASHED POTATOES. 

PIE. 

WHITE RICE.

Why must these good things be so bad? 

Well, here I go. Another goal. I'm switching my 2 glasses of milk for soy. 

White bread for wheat. 

Pasta for salad? 

Cookies for Benefiber.

Mashed potatoes for real vegetables.

Pie for real fruit. 

White rice for brown... 

Hopefully my chef (the father) will be sympathetic to my needs. 

So long, everything white. My tastebuds will miss you.